‘broz II men’ by giles ruffer & laurens verdonkschot // self-published, 2012
66.6
writing together
these ‘collabs’ seem to be ‘on the rise’
you know like gas prices
ppl want ‘writing’ to be like a band & stuff
that is cool, i guess
reading should be ‘experiential’
but it seems like writers in these collabs like to identify themselves
just write
then edit & don’t ‘differentiate’
if you want to be known, just write your own
how should alt-lit writers form ‘collab’ projects?
are there rules?
or is everything chill
You Look Like Bruce Willis Lying Naked in the Sand by Vicki Tingle
‘You Look Like Bruce Willis Lying Naked in the Sand’ makes me wonder. Exactly what is the relationship between Vicki Tingle and Bruce Willis? I thought they were friends. Maybe they are something more. Bruce Willis may be a ‘secret alt lit’ fan. They exist. I have not met one but most alt lit fans live on the internet. Who can say who is who in this crazy, anonymous alt lit writer world? For all she knows, I in fact may be Bruce Willis. If I was Bruce Willis, I’d thank her for writing such touching, brutal poetry.
‘Seems so delicious’ is mad. Pure, uncut English craziness is unleashed. My suggestion: don’t let her feast on your blood and guts. As an aside, if you do feast on an exploded person, I doubt you could feast on them for years. Tupperware technology can only go so far. Even freezing them would only make them last a year tops. Turning the exploded into jerky may work, but you’d need to really be meticulous about it.
Vicki Tingle wants to get locked out of the house. She desires that you be George Bluth to her Lucille. You may not know this but I’m a big fan of ‘Arrested Development’. Actually, due to my interest in alt lit and overall nerdy behavior you might have already guessed this and figured it out. Plus, she cooks paella. That’s not English food so it must be good. I want to compliment her because her next poem is just ‘I want to be dead’. Don’t be dead. Be alive with the spirit of life-living loveliness. I am glad her ex-boyfriend wore Pajamas. Pajamas are professional sleeping attire. I am also happy to hear other girls don’t want ‘to fuck with Vicki’s shit’. Vicki Tingle is well-known in the UK as a bad ass motherfucker.
‘Bros resembling Bros’ is sad. I wish bros didn’t exist as bros. Rather everyone should be the kind of ‘bros’ talked about in Panda Bear, not the bad kind of bro. All bros should join drum circles. All bros should eat cucumber salads with pomegranates. Hope I still have plenty of bodily fluids when I’m older.
The chapbook ends with someone’s voicemail. You see this is why I never check my voicemail. I see missed calls and think ‘Oh, there’s a 25% chance of returning that call’. Vicki should probably do that instead of saying ‘Eff this existence’. Vicki has so much to live for, like Bruce Willis lying naked in the sand. How many alt lit writers can say that? I’ll tell you, only five. You’re in an elite UK-based alt lit scene. Stay strong.
written by giles ruffer and laurens verdonkschot
cover designed by walter mackey and joel macpherson
alright tumblr you bag of dicks.
here’s a pdf of something i wrote nearly three years ago.
gfy.
